In the summer of 2004 I was poor. I was fresh back from playing the wandering European for a year and I was cashless, homeless, jobless, and had spent too long living on what I’m proud to call “Zoe’s stolen spaghetti stew” (secret ingredient: stealth).
The first temp company had no design jobs, but on the way out the receptionist asked me if I knew anyone who could use Visio. Why yes, I said, I’m a Visio expert, did I forget to put that on my resume? She called my interviewer back, who said in that case the job started tomorrow.
I left the building, went the the nearby Barnes and Nobles and looked up what the hell this Visio thing was. Then I called the guy on whose whose couch I was crashing and had him pirate me a copy. I spent the night working through the help files, and started my new job designing userflows for SAP the next morning. It lead to what’s been a rather nifty career in interaction design.
I am proud to say I have never been hired for a job I didn’t have to lie to get. Not about my achievements, those are stupid to lie about and anyway they’re easy to check on. But when it comes to skills, to take a job you’re absolutely sure you can already do seems silly. Taking career risks is the only way to make sure of having one, and I’d sure as hell prefer to try and fail than demur until some imaginary time when I’m 100% sure I’ll be perfect.
This is the time of year when students start coming to me for career advice. The dudes in general either have something or don’t. But for some of the ladies its not so clean-cut. Yesterday, for the third time this year I heard a variation on this theme: girl has a job, usually an internship. Girl is offered a promotion to full time. Girl is nervous she’s not ready yet and decides to turn it down. Or this variation: girl is offered dream full-time job. Girl is also offered dream freelance job on the side. Girl decides to take full-time job, but turn down freelance one because she wants her performance in the full time job to be perfect. Neither of these scenarios have happy endings, at best her career stalls from lack of trying new things, and at worst at some point she’ll be replaced by someone with a bit more guts.
From where came this bizarre female aversion to self promotion? This insistence on perfection to the point where, like OCD, it handicaps the victim and ruins their prospects? Why is taking a risk so impossible to contemplate for some otherwise brilliant ladies ?
Lets run through these scenarios again. Girl gets offered promotion. Girl takes promotion. Girl fails. The boss is disappointed. Or this one: girl takes both jobs. Girl does marginally less well at both. Girl will be forced to quit one of them. One of the bosses will be disappointed. Bottom line: disappointed bosses. Is that truly the worst possible thing that could happen? Without resorting to the highly improbable, the answer is yes, yes it really is. But hamstringing a career from fear of letting down an authority figure is something even the most desperate of daddy issues should balk at.
Well ladies, being successful takes guts, and having guts means taking the type of risks that sometimes result in looking stupid and disappointing people. That assurance, that strike of lightning that says “Why yes, I just realized I am the best possible person in the world for this particular job” may by long coming. As Nietzche points out, “claiming to be good only because you have no claws” isn’t actually being good at all, and cowardice masquerading as politeness does no one any favors, least of all your boss. Speaking as one now myself, I’d surely rather have my employees ambitious than submissive. It makes them more fun to be around, for one.
So go after that job ladies, even though you don’t have a clue if you can handle it or not. Grit your teeth and tell that lie about your confidence that, for you all you know, might just be the truth. And maybe you’ll fail. Maybe you’ll be fired. Maybe you’ll have to cut back your hours. Maybe your boss will yell at you in front of everyone and they’ll all point and laugh while you cry. But maybe, just maybe, you will be amazing at it.
Nice post. I had a similar experience nearly ten years ago when applying for a media/communications position that required knowledge of Adobe Pagemaker. Despite having never touched the software before, I put it on my resume, submitted my application, and then spent the weekend learning Pagemaker (using a cracked copy obtained from a friend). I got the job.
That being said, it’s taken a long time to develop the confidence to say, “Why yes, I am highly experienced in [enter skill here]” even when I am much better at [skill] than I give myself credit for. I’m still working on it. I know that feeling, the waiting until you are perfect, the fear of reaching too far and looking silly. It needs to be banished, and you are spot on to call it out.
yes!! great post zoe – i can’t believe i havent had you on my RSS feed. gah! anyway, keep up the awesome and inspiring writing.
YES! YES! YES!
The other way of doing this is making up a job out of thin air, applying for it, getting it, designing it and then moving on once it’s complete/ready to hand over to someone else. I don’t think I’ve been capable of going through an agency or answering an ad since about 1985.
I don’t see why this applies only to “girls.” Why be gender-specific? Why do so many women get so hung up over being FEMALE and let THAT get in the way of having a great career (and life)?
Well, goodness knows guys have as many (if not a lot more) confidence issues, but so far I haven’t seem it extend to job skills the same way – I’ve yet to witness the “I don’t deserve this so I’ll give up” reaction.
Of course, if we’re gonna be super scientific there could be lots of reasons – maybe dudes just have quieter methods of self-sabotage. Or maybe I’m a lady and they feel less comfortable asking me for advice. That’s science for you.
Actually, I do think it applies more to women than to men, although it’s difficult to respond except anecdotally: my wife recently attended a meeting and watched all of the men in the room say variations of, “I can do [X] really well and it’s what I’ll bring to the table” and the women say, “I think [insert colleague's name here] will be good at [X] in our collaboration.”
Women seem to have a slightly different approach to these situations — less bluster, perhaps. While that’s a good thing in many contexts, within the confines of the job market (and promotions, etc.) it’s probably not so good. Learning to walk both sides is valuable. And yes, that means men need to learn when to be self-effacing, too.
Love this! Thanks
What does this say about the employers ?
I think it says we should be hiring for aptitude, not the caprices of training. Have we learned nothing from Google?
Love this! Thanks for sharing, Zoe. Thanks @cindygallop for bringing it to my attention. At my first job, I met a guy who had the coolest position ever – I asked him how he got his job and how he gained the tech skills for it. He told me he lied about the skills to get the job, bought a bunch of books, and stayed late after everyone else left to learn and practice every night. I couldn’t believe it. Now that’s a main piece of advice I give to others.
Interesting post. I would argue that these are not necessarily female, but human issues. I disagree with some of the ideas though.
When I look for a job, I look for jobs where my skillset is an exact match. If someone is looking for a PHP coder, and I don’t know PHP, I’m not going to be able to “help text” my way to being an engineer overnight.
When I’m on the other side of the table, doing the hiring, if I find the perspective employee to be too self promotional, too sure of themselves, I look for a way to make them prove they’re god’s gift to whatever. More often than not they fail, and I dodge a bullet. I avoid looking like an idiot after having hired some moron who claims to have had the skills I was looking for.
Also, lying about your abilities and not being able to step up doesn’t just disappoint a boss, it leaves a trail that smacks of mediocrity, and a position you can’t put on the old resume.
I guess there are certain jobs this will work for, certain companies it will work for, but I’ve seen what happens when people don’t have the mad skillz they say. I’ve seen it bring companies down.
Then there are the issues of ethics and integrity that leap out of this… Pirating software, lying about skills… I would be a bit worried about hiring such a person. Where does she draw the line? Does she believe rules do not apply to her?
Reach for higher ground, yes. Avoid lying though. For example say that you haven’t specifically done professional work with Visio, but that you studied it prior to the interview and that your are confident that it won’t take you more than a day to master, and combined with your design skills, you’ll likely do better work than most plain old Visio experts.
I could respect that, and appreciate the honesty coupled with the confidence.
The idea of being perfect is called the “fixed mindset”
It comes from the idea that talent/intelligence is something you are genetic traits you are born with like height, as opposed to something you cultivate like muscles.
There is a lot of research around this by cognitive scientist Carol Dweck, you can read more about it here: http://mindsetonline.com/
If you have this fixed mindset then it will influence:
Goals – you want to look good
Challenge – to be avoided
Failure – defines your identity
Effort – for those with no talent
Reaction to challenge – helplessness
If you have the growth mindset then it will also influence:
Goal – you want to learn
Challenge – embrace
Failure – provides information
Effort – path to mastery
Reaction to challenge – resilience
Linda Rising purposed that young girls tend to grow up (before the age of 12) being highly conditioned into a ‘fixed’ mindset. Lot’s of talk like “your smart, your perfect, your beautiful, your a princess”
whereas, boy tend to grow up being highly conditioned to a growth mindset. Lot’s of talk like “go to room, try harder, stop whining, do your homework, buck up, study more, why can’t you be more like your sister?”
The idea isn’t just that they are perfect, but that they could be better if they just worked at it more.
Although I’ve never lied about what I could do, for my internships I always reached beyond what I thought I could get/do. This taught me that we’re a lot smarter than we let ourselves believe, and that you’re supposed to learn and stretch when you take on a job. Otherwise, I’m not sure what the point really is in the long term.
This was a great story and post. I know a lot of young women who act just like you mentioned. But I’m also seeing a trend of gutsy girls who aren’t letting their gender affect what types of positions they apply for and land. I think it’s this type of introspection and talking to mentors that will make a huge difference in the long term for girls and women.
I always say if you feel you are 70% qualified for a job, you should apply for it. It’s so rare for an employer to find someone who matches a job 100%. And even if you do have all of the qualifications, they’re often looking for someone who will mesh well with the team as well as can do the job.
One of the most interesting jobs I ever got I applied for b/c a friends said another dept where he worked was looking for an admin assistant. I never saw what the posting was. If I’d seen it, I’d have never applied for it.
In addition, one time I did apply for the “perfect” job and got it. And got released from it after being at the position for 4 months. It was a combination of a personality clash between me and my manager and them thinking they wanted something when they really wanted something else.
A must read for all young professionals. We second guess ourselves too much and are never ready to take the bull by its horns.
Thanks for this- sometimes i applied for a position which i did not meet all the requirements, i wanted to take advantage of the position and knew if i am given a chance i can proof myself- but the answer i got was we need someone who can add value but when that person they hired come on board, you still want the person who did not meet the requirements to train your new personnel, what do you call that mhhhhh- this is an employer with narrow minded, what happened to development of your employees?
Thank you @cindygallop for bringing this article to my attention. It’s an awesome, awesome straight-shooting reminder of behaviors of which we may not be aware. I’ve always been happier and performed my best when I’m thrown into a situation where I’ve no idea what I’m doing.
I totally like and agree with this…Truthfully, i have done Several interviews, many of which are internal interviews in my company, and on several ocassions i have missed out on the vacancies i thought i would automatically get, to less skilled colleagues…simply because they pointed out there skills more agressively ,some not as good as mine.
To be honest, sometimes my confidence shrinks jst outside da interview room.
Rashie
i like. i really like!
I read somewhere that men will apply for a job if they meet one of the requirements and women will apply of they meet all of them. Knowing this has really expanded my options when looking. Also, I currently work for a boss who hired 3 of 4 techs who had no direct experience in making our product, but had good temperaments and demonstrated initiative, then we gave them organized OJT.
Guess which techs totally rock?
I don’t know about the lying, but fake it till you make it seems like sound policy.